She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
