so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
