dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
