Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
