I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
