Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
