So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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