Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
