I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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