you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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