Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
