Welp...herpes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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