you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
