He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
