If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
