his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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