You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
