I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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