He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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