I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
