also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
