How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
