if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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