I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
