You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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