no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
