The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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