I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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