I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
