put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
