Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
