i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
