I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
