Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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