oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
