Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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