it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
