Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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