Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
