and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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