I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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