I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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