All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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