Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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