I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
