i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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