Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
