Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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