That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
