Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
