Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
